


Five Times Spock Overlooked Jim Kirk's Foolhardiness And The One Time He Just Had To Confess His Anxiety

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: My T'hy'la [5]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst and Feels, Drinking, Easy Going Kirk, Feels, Fighting, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship To Something More, Greased Pig, Hero Worship, M/M, Male Friendship, Mild Language, Misguided Love, Some Humor, Song Parody, Suspected Feelings, Tholian Reference, Touch Football Game, Trapped, Understanding, Worried Spock, firestorm - Freeform, friends to something more, idioms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22427689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: "Why try if there is the strong possibility that you will lose?”“Because there’s also the strong possibility that I will win.”“But, Captain, why put yourself through all of that emotion?”A wistful smile crossed Kirk’s face. “Oh, Spock, this way I know that I am living.”Spock does not understand why Jim Kirk does a lot of the things that he does.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy, James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy & Montgomery "Scotty" Scott & Spock, James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy & Spock, James T. Kirk & Spock, James T. Kirk/Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Series: My T'hy'la [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1511711
Kudos: 39





	Five Times Spock Overlooked Jim Kirk's Foolhardiness And The One Time He Just Had To Confess His Anxiety

1.

BECAUSE LIFE IS A GAME OF STRATEGY TO HIM, JIM KIRK HAS TO OUTTHINK THE OTHER GUY AND OUTANEUVER HIM.

“He’s lying through his teeth, Spock.”

Spock glanced at his captain as they quick-marched along the corridors of Federation Command. Jim Kirk was angry and pissed off and half a dozen other euphemisms that were now familiar to Spock, thanks to having worked around Earthlings now for several years. “What are we going to do about the situation, Captain?”

“Just what we did. Give him a monkey eating shit look and get the hell outa the guy’s presence. The guy isn’t fit to be in Starfleet, let alone in a senior position. We’ll just go to someone else. I don’t know how the guy has gotten this far, but the system will soon spit him out onto the street on his goldbricking ass! The system is good, Spock!” Kirk declared. “It’s the idiots in it who always aren’t.”

Sometimes Spock was stunned by the amount of ethics that Kirk could display. For a seemingly arrogant hotdogger and an even egotistical narcissist, Kirk had depths to him that Spock was still discovering. The person whom Kirk was hardest on was himself. He never ask anything of his crew that he wouldn't do himself first. In fact, Kirk’s crew often had to save Kirk from his own good intentions.

And his second in command was forever in awe of him.

Jim Kirk was like a Greek god, both in bearing and appearance. He was not only golden, he reflected gold, even when he was the only light source in the room. He was intelligent far beyond anything Spock had ever seen before. And he was Spock’s to guide and to nurture. An awesome task, but one that Spock found himself appreciating and relishing in time.

And Spock loved him beyond all reason, beyond anything that even Captain James T. Kirk could ever imagine he was loved. 

It hadn’t always been that way with them. There had been a time that Jim Kirk had been too sure of himself, a time when Spock had no respect for him. But Kirk had gradually won a grudging esteem from Spock, an esteem that had changed into almost hero worship. For Kirk had displayed a natural grasp for tactics, a built-in ability to dissect personalities, and nerves of steel in the face of adversity.

All of those qualities Spock recognized in Kirk and admired Kirk for them. For Spock saw in Jim Kirk all the things that he wanted to be but knew he could never be. For there was only one Jim Kirk, and that was not Spock. Yet Spock was not jealous of him, only worshipful. And Kirk made all the difference in how Spock thought of him.

For Kirk had an ease about him that gave men confidence and made them want to obey him. He was a natural leader who instilled confidence and pride. And he was luckier than anybody Spock had ever seen. Spock did not believe in luck. But he did believe in James T. Kirk. And for Spock, Kirk was his luck.

What saved Kirk for Spock was that Kirk would pause-- before launching a project or after successfully finishing a mission-- and would look to Spock for his approval. Had he done okay? Had Kirk handled everything correctly? And Spock would solemnly incline his head just enough to give Kirk the reassurance he was needing. Had any other First Officer ever been this valued and appreciated? Had any other Captain ever relied so heavily on his second in command for approval? Spock doubted it. At any rate, he chose to believe that was the case with him and Jim Kirk.

Kirk hadn’t done that at the start of their relationship. He had been too cocksure and Spock had believed in doing everything by the book. Only time and experience had shown them both that they had to change their ways of thinking and reacting. Only then could they be a team. Only then could they succeed.

Kirk’s need for Spock’s approval had grown at the same rate as Kirk’s need for Spock’s friendship. And as for Spock, he had never experienced someone who could so infuriate him yet could so intrigue him all at the same time. Kirk was a bottomless depth of fascination for Spock, and everyday was an adventure when he was by Kirk's side.

Spock did not plan on ending their relationship anytime soon. If ever. But he did not know if Jim Kirk felt the same way as he did.

“Are you considering the offer that Starfleet has extended to you?” Spock asked with his heart in his throat. For if Kirk took the new job, they would part ways.

Kirk glanced at him. “What? Flying a desk? Working with jerks like that?” He shot his thumb back over his shoulder. “Surely you jest.”

“But it would be an advancement,” Spock encouraged.

“It would be a pain in the ass,” Kirk mumbled. “Now I get to grab a wrench and troubleshoot inside the engines of the Enterprise with Scotty. Now I get to carouse around with him and McCoy and anyone else wanting to chance a hangover for a night of hard drinking.” He flashed a quick glance at Spock, but his face had softened. “And now I get to have adventures with you and the rest of the crew. What desk job could ever compete with any of that?”

“I just wanted you to realize your options, Captain,” Spock remarked, not revealing the feeling of relief surging through him.

“So noted. Now let’s get the hell outa here and find someone with some real balls so we can get this next mission on the way.”

“Yes, Captain.” Spock was smiling on the inside even if he wasn’t on the outside.

Kirk felt the warmth of it, though, and relaxed. What would he do without this guy beside him?

2.

WHEN JIM KIRK PLAYED, HE PLAYED HARD. TO RELEASE THE INNER CHILD, SOME FIGURED. BUT OFTEN IT WAS TO ESCAPE THE WEIGHT OF RESPONSIBILITY.

Kirk set aside the papers he had been going over with Spock. "Well, you might as well go ahead and say it."

Spock was amazed. He thought he had been quite attentive as he had sat in Kirk's quarters going over the plans for an upcoming escort mission. What he had wondered more than anything was how Kirk could concentrate on something as mundane as a routine mission when he surely had other things on his mind. Spock knew he certainly did.

"Whatever is that, Captain?" Spock asked with some curiosity.

"You tell me. You're the one who's been walking around like he's looking for the perfect spot to lay an egg." Kirk shot him a humorous glance. "And I'll tell you one thing for certain. I've forgotten a lot about farm life back in Iowa, but one thing I do remember for sure. It was the hens that laid the eggs and not the roosters. In other words, Mr. Spock, you ain't built for egg laying no matter how much you might be wanting to attempt it. It just ain't gonna happen, and that's a fact!"

Spock drew himself up. "I am not attempting to lay an egg. That is not a goal of mine, nor shall it ever be."

"Then stop trying to give that impression."

"I am sorry for any misconceptions I may have been relaying."

"So noted. But something has you concerned. And I want to know what it is."

How could Kirk know that? How could he know of Spock's concern? Yet Spock felt an almost immediate relief. Maybe he could state his apprehensions so they would not plague him so much, yet would not be stepping out of his official boundaries. "You are correct. There is something that is lying heavily on my mind."

"That's what I figured. My other guess was constipation."

Spock frowned. "Captain?"

"Never mind. My attempt at humor," he muttered to himself. "Well, come on," he said as he raised his voice again. "Spit it out. So we can get something else accomplished."

“Captain, are you quite certain that this upcoming athletic contest is really in your best interests?" Spock asked, choosing his words carefully so he would not disclose the level of trepidation that he was feeling.

Kirk studied him levelly. "It’s just a touch football game, Spock. It's just a bunch of guys letting off some steam.” Then Kirk reassured him with a smile that reflected his excitement. “Kids play pick-up games all the time on Terran. They just divide up into two sides, grab a pigskin, and start beating the hell outa each other. Relax!" he said to Spock's suddenly startled face. "It'll be fun! Especially for the onlookers. Because we players will do a whole lot more than just touch each other in this kind of football.” He grew thoughtful as he mulled that statement over. “So I guess that we really shouldn’t be calling it ‘touch’ football anymore, should we?”

“Probably not.”

Kirk gave Spock a mellow smile. “Well, we’ll just bend the rules a little. It'll be touch football with modifications.”

“But, Captain, you could get injured.”

“That could happen if I’m simply walking across the floor. I could slip and fall and get as banged up as if I was in a rough and tumble kids’ game.” He slapped Spock’s arm. “Besides, it’ll be fun!”

“But you will be playing with a real pig.” Which sounded wild enough to Spock until he added, “A pig that has been greased. Why would you do something like that, Captain? It is so illogical.”

“I suppose it would seem crazy to you.”

“But a live pig will be difficult enough to hold onto without greasing it.”

“And to put it even more in the pig’s favor, all of the players are planning on being very drunk before we even start the game.”

“But why would you consume alcoholic beverages before participating in that type of sporting event?”

Kirk looked aghast. “Hell, you wouldn’t think that we’d do something crazy like that sober, would you?!”

Spock restricted himself to just a slight rise in one eyebrow. “I cannot see how this type of sport will be any kind of fun.”

Kirk winked. “You watch. You’ll love it.”

And Spock did.

He just did not see how it could be any fun for the participants who struggled to hold onto the squealing pig while they fell and rolled around in the mud. By the time the game was over, the players were unrecognizable with their clothing and bodies caked with mud. And no one seemed to be keeping score, so Spock did not who won except for the pig which made a grand escape as unrecognizable players rolled around in the mud.

But the players were happy as they flashed smiles at each other and slapped each other on the back or arm. McCoy's teeth were sparkling white against his mud-caked face, and Montgomery Scott was so drunk he could barely stand up. But both were happy as they helped each other off the muddy field. Kirk trailed after them as he wiped at a bloody nose with one hand and held onto bruised ribs with another. He even seemed to be limping and favoring one leg over the other. But he was grinning with happiness.

Spock supposed it was something that only those from Terran could understand completely.

3.

JIM KIRK LOVED HARD, BUT OFTEN UNWISELY. FOR HE WAS BEAUTIFUL, AND BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE TEND TO ATTRACT BEAUTIFUL (BUT SOMETIMES SHALLOW) PEOPLE, EVEN IF THEY ARE NOT RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER.

It was just an ordinary mission to contact the inhabitants of a newly discovered planet. It was the sort of situation where Jim Kirk shone his best. He was courtly and very good with diplomacy. He could meet inhabitants on their own turf and soon have everyone feeling like old friends. But this time something unexpected happened to their routine mission. Something in the form of a beautiful woman who caught the eye of the handsome visiting captain and concentrated all of her charming attentions on him with the usual results.

And then Jim Kirk was suddenly, unexpectedly in love with the daughter of the ruler of the planet that select members of the Enterprise crew were visiting, and he was walking around in a cloud of wonderment. Much to Spock's obvious chagrin, Kirk was acting like he was in the throes of his first teenage crush instead of being the experienced person in the romance department that he really was. If only Kirk would notice Spock's lack of approval, he might have seen how futile his attentions to the young princess were.

But love is indeed blind. For although her golden hair tumbled down her perfect back in shimmering waves of gold, she was interested only in what her mirror told her of the world. She was enthralled with Jim Kirk now, but that was simply because he was paying her homage. If his attention was ever to waver to other matters, say to his duties as a Starfleet Captain or to a touch football game with his buddies, then she would turn a cold shoulder to him.

But for now, Kirk was lost in her charms.

"Ah. Morela. Have you ever heard of such a lovely name?" Kirk wanted to know as he sighed his longing to Spock. "It fits her so well, don't you believe?"

Spock almost sniffed his disdain. "If she reminds you of a Polish apricot, then, yes, her name fits her very well indeed."

"Stop being so condescending. And why are you calling her a Polish apricot?"

Spock shrugged. "Because that is what her name means. I googled it."

"It's just a coincidence. The people of that planet are not descended from the Poles." He frowned. "At least I don't think so." His face cleared. "Come on, Spock. Tell me what you really think of her."

"She is a lovely young lady, Captain.” 

Kirk's eyes twinkled with warmth. "I heard a whole lot of unvoiced objections there that you're not about to state, didn't I?"

"I do not know what you thought you heard, Captain," Spock answered evasively. "I wish to make it noted that I am qualified only to comment on the young lady's physical beauty, which is quite extensive, I might add."

“So noted." Kirk narrowed his eyes as he studied Spock. "You wouldn’t be guilty of saying anything derisive about somebody now, would you, Mr. Spock?” Kirk quizzed the courtly Vulcan.

“Whatever do you mean, Captain?” Spock asked as he drew his hands behind his back.

“I know what that means,” Kirk mumbled.

Spock looked puzzled. “What, Captain? I did not answer your question.”

“I know you didn’t. You’d make a great New Englander, did you know that? Answering a question with a question. No, it wasn’t what you said. It’s how you said it. You came to parade rest with your hands behind your back as if our conversation had suddenly become something formal between officers, instead of a personal chat between friends.”

“Chat?” Spock frowned. “I am sorry, Captain. I do not ‘chat.’ That implies a loosening of social structures and latitudes between and/or among people. And I do not do any of that.”

Kirk gave him a warm smile. “I know you don’t. Let me have my dreams, though, won’t you?”

“Is that the category where the lovely young lady in question actually falls? In your dreams?”

Kirk’s eyes narrowed. “For someone who does not recognize emotions, you certainly understand a lot about them, don’t you?”

“I never said that I do recognize emotions, Captain. I said that I did not wish to experience them.”

“A wooden plank could make the same statement,” Kirk snapped. “Except it does not have an option because it is never offered an option. It simply does not experience emotions. Ever! Period!”

Spock’s eyebrow inched upward. “My, I seem to have caused you to experience emotions.”

“Get that foxy look off your face as if you’ve outsmarted me.”

“You do not know what my goal was, Captain. It might have simply been to take your mind off thoughts of the lovely young lady in question for awhile. And to be truthful, it was.”

Kirk gave him an appreciative glance. “You are a wily old fox, aren’t you?”

Spock shrugged. “I cannot deny the obvious.”

“Even if it makes you appear egotistical?” Kirk teased.

Spock blanched. “I assure you that was not my goal.”

“Relax. If it was anyone else, it would be gloating. And egotistical. But not from you.”

Spock relaxed. “I wished merely to distract you. Why do you care so much for the attentions of the young lady, anyway? She is shallow and frivolous and is concerned only with her own comfort and opinions.”

“Oh, but, Spock! She is so beautiful on the outside! A perfect body. A perfect face. Such grace when she moves! Such poise when she is addressing a roomful of people! She would be a worthy consort for any king. And such a pleasing accompaniment on my arm.”

“You would grow tired of beauty that is only skin deep after awhile.”

“But, oh, in the meanwhile, I would have access to a goddess!” Kirk crowed with a wily look on his own face. “I would have turned her head away from all others! I would have won the perfect woman!”

“Well, then, why are you two not together if she is indeed the perfect woman for you?”

Kirk scowled. “Turns out she was looking for the perfect man!”

Spock simply allowed an arched eyebrow to be his only remark, but it managed to convey that he had told Kirk so.

4.

JIM KIRK DRANK HARD, SUPPOSEDLY OUT OF COMPANONSHIP. BUT EVEN HE HAS DEMONS HE CANNOT FACE.

The door to the nightclub burst open, and a very drunken McCoy and Scotty stumbled out into the night. They were holding each other up and singing at the top of their lungs:

“Bring on your Tholian ladies!  
Don’t care if they’re a little bit shady!  
Just as long as they are ladies  
With luscious lady parts!”

McCoy pulled them to a stop and shouted at Scotty in a slurred voice, “Tholian females! Do you know how ugly they would have to be?! Or how drunk we’d have to be if we’d want to get them in a compromising position?!”

“Every female is beautiful in the dark, Dr. McCoy, and you can take that for gospel,” Scotty swore in an awe-struck voice.

“Scotty, my man,” McCoy addressed Scott while slapping him soundly on his chest. “You are a man with the soul of a poet and the concepts of a philosopher. Just for that, I’ll sing you a song my ol’ pappy said came down through the generations in his family. Clear back to when the McCoy boys were attending country school, if you can imagine that far back.”

“Aye! That would be a long time ago, indeed, Doctor!” Scotty declared with rolling eyes.

“Alright, here it goes. ‘If she’s got freckles on her butt, she’s nice.’” He grinned.

“Eh? That’s it?” Scotty asked in some confusion.

McCoy shrugged. “I never understood it, either.” He looked at Scotty’s confusion. “I never said it was great, just historic. I always thought it meant that if a girl would show off her freckled butt, she’d be willing to show more. And do more.”

Understanding cleared the confusion off Scotty’s face. “Aye! Makes sense now!”

“What doesn’t make sense is where those other two are. I distinctly remember heading for the door with Kirk and Spock.” McCoy turned back to the nightclub. “Kirk! Where the hell are you?! You may be drunk as hell, but Spock isn’t!”

Almost on cue, the door opened and Kirk boiled out, giggling. A very staid Spock was following, adroitly handling the door and Kirk. Which was quite a feat, considering the condition that Kirk was in.

“What happened to you two?!” McCoy demanded. “You were right behind us!”

“Captain Kirk mistook a coat rack for the door,” Spock answered stiffly. "It took a moment to extricate him."

“Those coats put up a gallant battle, but I persevered! And conquered!” Kirk threw out his arm for emphasis and lost his balance. He would have fallen on his face if Spock hadn’t caught him. “Good old Spock,” Kirk mumbled as he patted Spock's arm. “Always to my rescue.”

Spock accepted the convoluted thanks for what they were worth, but continued to hover in case Kirk needed him further.

“Gentlemen, we have had a successful mission,” Kirk announced. “We have drunk that bar dry and closed its door for the night." He giggled in glee. "We have lain with their females and have ruined them for other guys.”

Scotty, McCoy, and Spock couldn’t quite remember that part. But if Kirk declared it so, it had to be true.

Kirk put his hand to his forehead. “Whew!”

Spock frowned. “Captain?”

“Did anybody get the number on that freight train engine? It must've been going a hundred miles an hour!”

McCoy smirked. “Oh, that’s just the whiskey finally hitting.”

“You will not feel very well tomorrow, Captain,” Spock chided him gently.

Kirk patted Spock’s midsection. “Oh, Dr. McCoy has a magic pill that he shares very nicely with all of us drunks. Don’t you, Bones?!” he asked, raising his voice and turning to McCoy.

“Nothing wrong with my hearing, Jimmy,” McCoy protested. "Want it to stay that way."

“Hell, Bonesy's getting a hangover already,” Kirk announced with a crooked smile. “I know a sure cure for that!” he shouted as McCoy groaned and pressed his fingers to his temples. “More booze!” He tried to turn back to the nightclub.

But Spock hooked his arm around Kirk’s waist and spun him completely around. 

“Whee!” Kirk crowed. “Merry-go-round! Do it again, Spock!”

“No,” Spock said firmly.

Kirk stuck his lip out. “You’re no fun,” he pouted.

“You will get ill to your stomach and will vomit all over everyone.”

“Gotta admit,” McCoy concluded. “When the Vulcan’s right, he’s right. No disputing what he’s saying.”

“Aye. Me, neither,” Scotty agreed with a sage look on his face. "Kirk can spew with the best of them."

“You guys just don’t want me to ruin your shoes!” Kirk protested.

“You’re right!” McCoy snapped back.

“I believe it is time for the evening to be over for us, gentlemen,” Spock suggested.

“Now all we have to do is find our way home.” Kirk looked around. “If I knew which way home was, I’d lead you to it. But I can’t!” he finished with a wail. "Helluva leader I am! Can't even get us home!"

“Our shuttle is over here, Captain,” Spock informed him as he gently, but firmly took Kirk’s arm.

“Good ol’ Spock,” Kirk murmured as he clumsily patted Spock’s arm. “What would I ever do without you?” 

“Let’s hope he never has to find out,” McCoy muttered to Scotty.

“Aye!” Scotty agreed with a roll of his eyes.

Kirk didn’t hear their exchange, but Spock did. He was ready to assure all three of them that Kirk would never be in that situation where he would not have Spock to rely upon.

Only if Spock was dead would he be unable to serve his captain. And then his spirit would go with Kirk from then on.

5.

JIM KIRK FOUGHT HARD AND TOOK TOO MANY CHANCES. AND ALL OF THAT HURTS THE ONES WHO LOVED HIM THE MOST.

“How in the hell did we get in the middle of a firestorm from Hell?!” Leonard McCoy demanded of Spock as they huddled together behind the scant cover of a scrawny bush that seemed to be native to this forsaken planet. Only a moment before, McCoy had scurried across an open area as Spock had tried to provide him with whatever fire cover he could. It had been a miracle that McCoy had survived, though.

Even now, Spock shook with the realization that McCoy could have been lost to him forever. Spock had few friends and he wanted to keep those that he did have. Even though he and McCoy constantly sparred verbally, they would always protect each other. And they would most certainly be sad if something happened to the other guy. That was why the current incident was affecting Spock so much. He did not know Kirk's status and McCoy had nearly been killed in front of his eyes. No wonder then that Spock was shaken. He could not control what was happening.

Surely something more than coincidence and good luck had played a part in McCoy’s survival. It almost made Spock ready to believe in the intervention of a higher power. Still it was scary what had almost happened.

“What the hell is your problem?!” McCoy demanded as he took a second look at Spock. “You look green!”

“I am green,” Spock mumbled in answer to what seemed to him to be a very ridiculous question. "That is my natural color."

“Well, you're an unnatural green then!” McCoy emphasized. “A sick-looking green!” McCoy frowned as he drew back. “You ain’t building up to do something really stupid, are you?! You ain’t gonna puke all over me, are you?!”

“I do not know what I am about to do, Doctor,” he answered as he fought back a nausea that was very unnatural for him, indeed. “I rarely feel this uneasy. My system seems quite unsettled.”

“Give a guy a break, will you?!” McCoy was begging. “I can’t leave the cover of this tiny shrub! And I sure as hell don’t wanna get puked on, either!”

That helped to ground Spock. “Thank you, Doctor. For a moment I almost got sentiment about you.”

“Sentimental?!” McCoy frowned. “About me?!” McCoy barked. “Why me?! And about what?!”

“For almost losing you just now. I thought you were not going to survive your attempt to reach me."

"I wasn't trying to reach you! I was trying to reach this bush! You just happen to be a bonus to the deal, okay?!" McCoy grimaced. "If you must know, I wanted some company. It's scary being alone out here."

"I know. And I appreciate that you are here with me, too. But you did not have adequate cover when you were running toward me. But you are here now and we will be protected.”

“Do you think that this scrawny bush will hold back any kind of onslaught if the natives decide to rush us?! Let me clue you in a little about the facts of life and how short that life could be for us! This bush is just for looks! It won’t give us much but false courage!”

“At this point, Doctor, I will find hope in even false courage,” Spock muttered as he looked around to access their situation.

McCoy looked around, too. “Never took you for a cockeyed optimist,” he muttered.

“I am not entirely certain how that differs from other kinds of optimists, but I expect that I would not qualify for either the general or the more particular type of optimist.”

McCoy looked back at Spock with a crafty grin beginning to spread over his face. “How in the hell did I ever get along before without having your convoluted thinking somewhere in my life?”

“I do not know, Doctor. I just know that I am quite worried about you and the other members of our away team. I have not seen Captain Kirk for some moments now, and he is not as cautious as he sometimes needs to be in situations such as these.”

McCoy forgot about Spock as he shifted his thinking to concern for Kirk, too. “I know what you mean,” he muttered as he gazed around. “Sometimes Jim thinks that he’s a one-man cavalry unit. I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes charging into this clearing in the next few minutes acting like he’s leading a company of twenty cannons and a hundred foot soldiers when all he's got behind him is a cloud of dust and an overactive imagination.”

“Doctor, that sounds like firepower that would have been common at the time of the American Civil War. Cannons and foot soldiers were the norm for that era.”

“Well, some things don’t change. And firepower is one of them. Firepower is firepower, no matter how it is delivered.” He glanced away and muttered, "And right about now, I'd like to see some firepower show up that could rescue us."

It was as if a magic genie answered McCoy's request. For at that moment, a ball of blurred action came boiling into the clearing. Phasers were blasting and men were running right and left and scurrying away from fire they were drawing.

The Suicide Squad had arrived.

“Holy shit!” McCoy exclaimed with bulging eyes. “That’s Jim and Scotty and a couple of red shirts! They’ve got a life expectancy of exactly one minute unless we can give them some cover and help! Come on!” 

McCoy tore away from behind the scrawny bush with Spock right behind him. Other crewmen had the nerve to show themselves after that, too.

“He will get killed!” Spock yelled as he ran toward the melee clustered around Kirk. The odds were not in Kirk's favor.

“Don’t tell Jim that!” McCoy yelled back. “At this stage, I think it will just piss him off! The kid gets pretty determined!”

Kirk’s appearance, though, had been the rallying call that his dispirited crew had needed. Soon the natives were on the run.

“Let them go!” Kirk ordered. “They were only defending their homes. We were kinda invading them.” He flashed a grin around his weary crew. “Everyone alright?”

“The question is if you are!” McCoy snapped as he marched up to assess the damage on Kirk. He had seen the wounds on Kirk even before he had gotten very close to him. Bloody spots were everywhere. Hard telling how damaged Kirk's body was.

“I’ll live, Bones,” Kirk reassured him. “At least I can wait until we get back to Sickbay so you can patch me up.”

“You took a helluva chance with that charge!” McCoy snapped.

“I had crew that needed rescuing, Bones.”

“Well, we nearly died from fright just seeing what you were doing!”

Kirk smirked. “Worked, though, didn’t it?”

“Come on,” McCoy muttered. “Before I shove my foot firmly in your ass where it belongs for scaring us like that.”

"Love you, too, Bones," Kirk answered with a grin that lit up his face. "Come on, Bones!" he declared as he slapped McCoy's arm. "Lighten up! We're all okay! And it was fun!"

"You're still in danger of getting wounded from friendly fire, you know," McCoy grumbled. "I won't be able to put a sling on it, either. And you'll be walking funny for a few days, too. But you'll definitely know that my boot's been somewhere on you where the sun doesn't shine!"

Kirk just laughed heartily, but not Spock. For once, he was in complete agreement with McCoy. Kirk took terrible chances, but he was the last person who would admit it.

6.

JIM KIRK CONTINUALLY DARED HIMSELF, BECAUSE THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY HE COULD FEEL TRULY ALIVE.

But even Spock can reach a point where he has to say something. "I am sorry, Captain, but I really must protest."

Kirk looked surprised. "About what, Spock?"

"This present mission. You know that it will be fraught with peril. And it is too close to when we almost lost you."

A wistful grin floated across Kirk's face as his eyes began to twinkle.

"I am sorry, Captain, but I do not wish for my concerns to be taken lightly. They have not been offered in a frivolous manner."

"I know they haven't been," Kirk answered softly. "And I wasn't making fun of your concern. It was what you said. And how you said it. You used an idiom," he said to Spock's uncomprehending face. "'Fraught with peril.' You would have stunned Dr. McCoy if he'd heard you saying that and using it correctly."

Spock crossed his arms over his chest. "Perhaps I have been around Dr. McCoy too long."

"That's not necessarily a bad thing. He's a good man and thinks the world of you, too."

"Please, Captain, do not try to romanticize the relationship which I have with Dr. McCoy. He would not appreciate it, either."

"You might be surprised," Kirk said softly.

"What do you mean?"

"I think it will mean more for the both of you if you find out on your own."

"That is just another way in which we are different. I would be more than glad to spare you an unsettling experience," Spock shot out in frustration. Some times Kirk was not logical. And other times, like this one, he was maddeningly superior, as if he had knowledge that Spock was not privy to. And the hell of it was that Spock felt that Kirk was right.

"Different? Maybe," Kirk conceded. "And yet, here we are, working together. And prospering."

Spock wilted. "I am sorry, Captain. I cannot understand all that you say. And yet I know that you are right, because you generally win."

"Just a difference in ideologies, Spock. Just a difference in the way that we look at things. I gotta bust a gut, even though the odds are stacked against me. I gotta find out for myself if I'm good enough."

“Why try if there is the strong possibility that you will lose?”

“Because there’s also the strong possibility that I will win.”

“But, Captain, why put yourself through all of that emotion?”

A wistful smile crossed Kirk’s face. “Oh, Spock, this way I know that I am living.”

“But you are drawing air in and out, processing nutrition, and not only existing but prospering in your environment. Surely performing these rituals would be enough to appease your realization of your position in life.”

Kirk gave Spock a puzzled look. “You can ask that? You who defied your father to attend Starfleet Academy? You who have befriended humans?" He smirked. "That Spock?”

Spock continued to gaze at him steadily and complacently. He did not answer, because he thought the answer was obvious.

Kirk frowned as he studied Spock closer. A new realization began to dawn on Kirk. "You who can risk his heart on a known philander? You who have the strength to love me even when I'm too blind to notice it?"

"Captain, there are times when one can do nothing else."

"You poor bastard!" The words were delivered on a rush of air from lungs and perhaps from his heart. And most assuredly, from his soul. "You poor bastard," he repeated, but softer. "I feel so sorry for you. I've gotta be hurting you in so many ways. And for that, my dear friend, I am most sorry. I truly am."

"Perhaps if you feel that way, it might inspire you to do better. Both with your personal safety and with the way you treat those who care about you," Spock suggested.

"So now you're gonna be my conscience?" Kirk wanted to know with a lazy, sexy smile and relieved the seriousness of their serious conversation. They seemed to be headed for a place in their relationship that neither one of them might be ready to enter. At least not quite yet.

Spock placed his hands behind his back, thus making it a conversation between a Captain and his First Officer. What Kirk had started to make their discussion more impersonal, Spock finished. Perhaps at another time they might explore a more personal relationship between them, but not now.

In the meanwhile Spock retreated back to a safer area by answering Kirk's question about Spock trying to be his conscience. "One does what one can with the resources available."

"Just as we do in a hopeless situation when the odds are against us," Kirk muttered, almost to himself. He raised his head and his eyes twinkled with fondness. "Oh, Mr. Spock! You're a pip! Did you know that? A regular pip!"

"I do not know why you would refer to me as a small hard seed in a fruit," Spock snipped in that slightly condescending voice he could assume when he wanted to put someone in his place. "But if that is the manner in which you choose to see me, I most assuredly will endeavor to continue to perform in that capacity."

The warmth increased in Kirk's eyes. "A small hard seed in a fruit is also referred to as a stone. And another word for a stone is a rock. And that's what you are to me, Mr. Spock. My rock."

"You labored mightily to prove that analogy, Captain."

"Well, that's what I think it'll take if I'm going to stay even with you in this game."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Not ahead of me, leading me?"

"No, Mr. Spock," Kirk answered softly. "Beside me. Right where I want you. Beside me. And right where you belong. Beside me."

Spock crossed his hands behind his back and gave Kirk a cryptic, benign smile. "As you wish, Captain. I will do my best to comply with your wishes."

"That's all that I can ask. And desire."

It might not be all that Spock might desire, but anything else would come along in its own good time.

If it was truly meant to be.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines.


End file.
